ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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