She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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