Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
