Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
