I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
