By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
