I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
