i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
