The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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