haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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