After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
