Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
