I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
