my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
