thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
