The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
