If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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