Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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