I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
