I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think your dad took our porno
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
