the condom got lost in my hair
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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