Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
