Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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