remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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