Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
