dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
