put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
