Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
