i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
