dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so let's talk penis.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
tell me about the eggs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
