Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
