I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
