I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
