I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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