Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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