I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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