dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
