When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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