dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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