Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
