You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
