Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Farmville is her only friend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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