Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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