Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
