I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
