someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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