i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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