I accidentally burped into my bong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
