Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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