i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
