how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
